More Opinion

OPINION: I Must Have Missed the Obnoxious Revolution

Romance and foreplay aren’t necessary when it’s all about power

I believe I like sex as much as anyone. One of our kids always jokes; “Thanks for being my Dad, I know, it was your pleasure”, and he’s right.  From my early 20s to early 40s I lived through the sexual revolution, much of which was fueled by the availability of The Pill. Before that, like so many of my generation I was sexually active as a teenager; well, as sexually active as opportunities allowed.

I have heard most dirty jokes from the cute to the disgusting, but I guess I missed out completely on this new phenomenon I call the Obnoxious Revolution – sex by intimidation. Not a day seems to go by without another story about grabbing, groping or ... Surprise, I’m naked!

Whatever happened to romanticism and the sexual signals that went along with it?  I know that the rules have changed, but short of prostitution, which is strictly a business deal, it’s not a meat market. There should be some level of mutual desire even for one-time relationships and that is almost always the case when those involved are on an approximately equal footing.

Things are different when the power relationship is significantly unequal. The transgressors are not so busy that they lack the time to determine if any sexual interest is mutual, it is merely a raw power play; “look what my power allows me to do to you.” Since almost all of the accusations have involved men in prominent positions I believe it is more about the use of power than it is about sex; essentially, the taking by force.

This is not about sexual morality, it’s about intimidation. Those wielding the power were holding a gun to the head of the victims; we see the exact same situation with employers, coaches and clergy.  Do you want this job or this promotion or do you want to stay on the team? Besides, I am important and no one will believe you.

That is why the aggressors did not bother with romance, persuasion or looking for hints, they could be as obnoxious as they wanted, the victims did not believe they had much of a choice.


BenitoLink Logo

Become a Member Today

Support your local independent news.

We work hard to give you the news and information you need. By becoming a member, you will be part of something bigger; BenitoLink, your community-supported news source.


Marty Richman (Marty Richman)

Born and raised in Brooklyn, NY, Marty (Martin G.) spent his teen years in northern New Jersey. He served more than 22 years on active military duty, mostly in Europe, and is a retired U.S. Army Chief Warrant Officer 4, Nuclear Weapons Technical Officer.Marty then worked 25 years in various engineering and management positions in the electronics and energetic materials industries supporting the communications, computer, aerospace, defense and automotive sectors. He is a graduate, summa cum laude, from The College of Hard Knocks, among his numerous awards and accomplishments. He was a regular weekly Op/Ed columnist and feature writer for The Hollister Free Lance for seven years and a member of its editorial board for five years. Marty is a frequent commentator and contributor to BenitoLink on a wide variety of local, state, national and international subjects. You can follow Marty Richman on twitter @Marty_Richman. Marty and his wife, Joyce, have been residents of Hollister since 1996.

Add new comment

Add Facebook comment

Comment using your Facebook account. Facebook comments will be published on this page, and on Facebook. It will not be posted to the "Recent Comments" list on the BenitoLink front page.