Editor’s note: This story originally appeared on The Lazy 8 Ranch blog.
I realize that so far this blog has been a little serious… and slightly morbid. I guess it’s October getting to me. I love this month. Indian Summer is over and sweaters become requirements. Trees stand naked and face bravely the deep chill to come. The animals cozy down a little deeper in their burrows, cloudy skies start to threaten rain. Hundreds, if not thousands, of tarantulas emerge from their summer holes to wander the hills and roadways of Browns Valley like zombies — slowly and with purpose, seeking a drier home for winter. I’ve heard old timers say that if a tarantula is heading uphill it means it will rain.
As calm and deliberate as their movements may be, they are most certainly keeping their urticating hair at the ready to battle their nemesis, the parasitic pepsis wasp, AKA tarantula hawk. Aaron and I saw a battle once at the top of the razorback. The freakin’ tarantula was no match for the tarantula hawk, who seemed to relish the murder. It was like watching a psychopath commit murder. We didn’t have our phones on us because we’re old enough to forget that phones have cameras now, but here’s some video from the BBC.
Browns Valley Road in Paicines is crawling with them. It’s as if they emerged from the dead and are now searching for BRAINS! They were crawling all over the house our first year at the ranch. That’s one on my daughter’s bedroom window in the top pic! I’m pretty sure my mother-in-law still has nightmares about it. It doesn’t bother me anymore though. Sure, I might have a colony of nests in my attic, but I just won’t think about it right now.
If you’re interested in seeing a local phenomenon and feel up to a country cruise, consider the Browns Valley loop*. Take Highway 25 (Airline Highway) south toward Paicines. Oh, look! There’s the fairgrounds. Next year you should enter that cake you made last Thanksgiving that everyone raved about! Once you pass Willow Grove school on your left tucked behind a field of what looks like young walnut trees, you will see the Paicines General store ahead on your left. If you’re thirsty, they have cold drinks, and I’ve heard they also do a good breakfast burrito.
Those young walnut trees remind of a time that there used to be a mature walnut orchard there 30 some years ago when I was a student there. In the fall we got to walk through and pick up walnuts after they’d shaken the trees and take them home. I loved the way it smelled – musky, dusty, bitter, slightly sweet; olfactory Fall. It doesn’t smell like that anywhere else on earth except underneath a walnut tree.
Stand out front of the store and look across the street and to your right and you will see a California Historical Landmark, number 324.Check it out.
NO. 324 NEW IDRIA MINE — Named for Idria Mine in Austria, the New Idria ranks among the most famous quicksilver mines of the world. Mission fathers, before American occupation, made assays and determined the ore to be cinnabar, mining began in the 1850s, and in 1881 between two and three hundred men were employed.
Location: Plaque located NW corner of State Hwy 25 and Panoche Rd (J1), site located on San Carlos Peak, from Paicines, 30 mi E on Panoche Rd (J1) to New Idria Rd, then 21 mi S to mine
Believe it or not, if you turn around you will see another marker on the side of the white building in front of you, It contains interesting facts of which you might not be aware and is located on Panoche Road. I don’t know what kind of gringo named that road, but I can guess. Lo que es un pervertido! But forget about that gringo — look at the roses! Don’t you wish all roads were lined with roses? Just imagine it.
That’s Blossom Hill Winery.
Once you go around that first turn you will be able to see the dry bed of the Tres Pinos Creek on the left. If you’re asking yourself why it’s called the Tres Pinos Creek and not the Paicines Creek then turn around and go read that second marker by the white building. If you see the guy with the aviator glasses say hey. The El Niño of 1997 really did a doozy to the county and the creekbed. Notice how wide it is? Well, it used to be less wide.
In no time at all you will come to a long, straight road that looks like a runway. Surprise! There used to be a runway that ran along side that straightaway on your left. Lois Waters, a cowgirl of the old school, told me that back in the day all the ranchers used to have small planes or helicopters they would use to check their cattle. Awesome. If you chose to pull over you would see bits of old asphalt still hangin’ in there. But if I were you I would just take my word for it because who cares about old asphalt?
Looking up past the vineyards you will see a hill studded with rocks; you’re going that way. Slow down because Browns Valley Road is coming up on your left.
Cross over Tres Pinos Creek and start heading up the road. Drive slow. Roll the windows down. If it’s cold, roll your windows down and turn on the heater! Fresh air! See the hill with all the rocks? Such straight lines. Although they remind me of the rocks at The Pinnacles National Park, I don’t think they’re related in any way. To your left, once you get over the second cattle guard, are two of PG&E’s natural gas pipelines that run from the Oregon border to the Havasu National Wildlife Refuge. Keep an eye out for them the next time you go to Disneyland. On the right is a true-to-life working windmill. Can you imagine if getting electricity was so loud?
Lois’ husband, Marshall Waters, used to tell me that he ran cattle from his ranch, there where the Knoll sign is, all the way to Idaho on horseback. Can you imagine? He said that in his day the deer would run in packs of 30 or 40 all over these hills. Less fences, I suppose.
Drive slow. Take deep breaths and listen to the sound of your tires on the gravel. See cows? That’s your spirit animal for this trip. Pay attention to the message they give you. Give kids a penny if they spot wildlife such as red tailed hawks, coyotes, bobcats, buzzards, etc. and then play penny ante later. Admire what you see. Take a selfie and put it on Instagram with #thelazy8ranchcountrycruisebvr. Suss out a good spot for a picnic someplace around the corner of Browns Valley and McCreery Ranch Road (there might not be a sign, but it’s where gravel meets pavement). Take a little walk. Breathe deep. Remember again what is important.
Pay attention to what’s around you, try to find the cardinal directions using the sun (the compass on your iPhone may or may not work out there). Will you be able to find that spot again where all of the fences are covered in moss when it’s time to take pictures for holiday cards? I hope not because that would make an awesome holiday card.
When you start heading back to Hollister on Santa Anita you will see that Quien Sabe crosses over the road and to the right. There’s a sign that says there’s a feedlot somewhere up that road, but I can’t vouch for that… everyone knows that’s exactly how horror movies start out.
If you didn’t have a picnic or a breakfast burrito and you’re hungry, take Quien Sabe back, west, through Tres Pinos. Stop at the 19th Hole, Flapjacks, or the Tres Pinos Inn (by the way, did you know the Costco in Gilroy sells gift cards for the TP Inn? $75 gets you two $50 gift cards) depending on the time, day and your own prerogative. You don’t need permission, make your own decisions. Hey! IT’S YOUR PREROGATIVE! If you’re in it for the scenery, keep going straight on what will become Santa Anna Valley Rd. From there you can get back to town on John Smith Rd to Fairview Rd, or continue on Santa Ana Valley to Fairview Rd.
Items you may need:
- Crusty sourdough with brie cheese and arugula, and thick slices of soppressata (I just want to be sure you don’t go hungry on this trip!)
- A bottle of Sofia Rosé
- or a thermos of hot apple cider from Gizdich Ranch
- or Coors Light if you drive a pick-up truck and wear Wranglers and have your arm around your best girl sitting right next to you. Swoon.
- Blanket for sitting on
- Book, journal
- Pennies
- Compass
- Camera
- Library book about tarantulas
That night when you have turned off all the lights and are laying in bed, think about the message your spirit animal gave you. Write it down.
*I’m sure anyone, especially kids, would be psyched to see a creepy tarantula in the wild on a cloudy day. I know kids might also want to take them home; but please don’t. It’s always best to leave mother nature untouched. Just in case prepare a distraction: electronic devices, favorite song, or good old fashioned N-O.