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COMMENTARY: The courage to ask for help
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This commentary was contributed by Stacie McGradie, candidate for District 1 San Benito County Board of Supervisors. The opinions expressed do not necessarily represent BenitoLink or other affiliated contributors. Submissions must follow BenitoLink’s Terms of Use. During campaign seasons, BenitoLink allows up to two submissions a month related to a particular candidate or measure such as an announcement of candidacy, platforms or endorsements. Submissions made by other agencies/groups endorsing candidates are counted toward the candidate’s/measure tally. If your submission has qualities we find self-Advertising or promotional in nature it may be edited (toned down) or not published at all. BenitoLink will not publish any campaign-related submissions after Feb. 26. E-mail Noe Magaña at noemagana@benitolink.com with questions.
Lea este articulo en español aquí.
I was recently in a position where I had to ask for help. Big Help. 9-1-1 Help. And I really struggled with the decision. I knew it was the right thing to do. There was a very good probability that not getting help would only make things much worse later. Asking for help is really, really hard.
So, here’s the deal. Last week I decided to take my mountain bike and ride at Calero Park in Santa Clara County. It’s a beautiful park, and I had ridden there once a week before. Calero Park is on McKean Road, easily accessed from Almaden Valley in San Jose. I have been working on a short-term gig in Los Gatos. Taking my bike with me to ride after I get off work seemed like a great plan.
I am over 50 years of age, and while reasonably fit I am not an experienced mountain biker. I ride for the health benefits, it’s a good cardio workout. In the 1980’s we kept our horses at the Calero boarding stables, and it was really cool to be back. It’s a beautiful park and reservoir.
I checked out the trail maps. I even downloaded what appeared to me to be a loop trail from an online mapping app on my phone. The plan was to go out for about an hour, then loop around and be back before dark. I was starting out around 3 in the afternoon and had no intention of getting stuck after hours.
The previous week I had ridden out and then doubled back on the same trail. Oh, Did I mention the mountain lions???
So off I went- into the beautiful hills and trails. The trail that runs along the reservoir, Oak Cove, starts out pretty tough. Steep uphills and fun downhills until it levels out and tracks along the back side of the reservoir. I peddled out about an hour, enjoying the deer, the ducks and the oak trees. Well, back to the mountain lions. I did not love being out by myself under the canopy of oaks, buckeyes and cottonwoods. Santa Clara County Parks do an excellent job of posting notices that mountain lions call these hills home.
As I continued my trek, I began to consider my options. Should I double back? I was not finding the trail I had expected that would loop me back to the trail head. The sun sets earlier in the winter, and I knew it would take at least an hour if I returned by my same route. Where was that other trail?
I passed a number of bicyclists, all going the opposite direction. The same thing happened the prior week. I was confident that the trail would loop around- so I continued forward, and deeper into the park. This is where things started to go badly. It turns out, as I learned later, there is no loop trail for bicyclists.
The trail I was on began a fairly steep climb up hill. Ok, it was really steep, and I spent most of the time pushing my bike. The trail wound through and in a canyon, darker that the open trails. With lots of trees for, you know, mountain lions. Onward and upward, I pressed.
I tend to be pretty careful. I had water with me, and a first aid kit. My cell phone battery was at 50%, and I had switched to battery saver before heading out. I had also sent text messages to my husband and my adult son, letting them know I was bike riding at Calero.
Around 5:30 p.m., well into dusk, my husband phoned me. I let him know that I was pushing my bike up (more) hills, and getting a bit concerned. I knew where I was, it was more a matter of finding the right trail to get back down to my car. If I turned around at this point, it would probably take 2-2.5 hours to get back. I pressed on, looking at my online maps and trying to find the best way back.
Bald Peaks trail shows an elevation of 1621 ft. It’s a beautiful space to look down over the lights of Morgan Hill, with a full moon rising in the east. The headlights and taillights from 101 snaked below, reminding me that I was really not that far from help.
I continued to look at my maps and decided that the safest route for me was the fire road trail. I was getting chilled, and more than a bit concerned. It would be easy to get overwhelmed if I didn’t keep my wits about me. Things continued to go badly.
A cutoff trail was indicated on my maps. It was downhill, a definite plus in my mind! The trail went along the side of the hill, and into an enclosed grove with hills and heavy trees and underbrush all around. I could not find the trail. Getting “lost” on the fire road is one thing, but being lost and disoriented and off the trails is a whole different story. After thinking through my options, I backtracked through the grove, found the trail, and pushed my bike back up the hill to the fire road.
It’s hard to ask for help. For thirty+ years in law enforcement, I am the person who responds to the call-not the one who asks for help. I continued to work through my options. While I knew where I was, I just could not find a safe and expedient route back down off these hills. I had been out for over 4 hours. I was chilled and didn’t have additional layers of clothing. I had water but no snacks. I knew I would need
to get help, sooner or later. And later would be worse, so I called 9-1-1.
“What’s your emergency?” the call taker asked. Well, not really an emergency yet, but here’s the deal. I explained my circumstances. Could the rangers just tell me what trail would get me back down? I would be happy to self-rescue, truly I would! The call taker was very sweet, as she contacted the rangers, and they determined my location. The fire road made that easy, and I was at an intersection with clear markers. Bicycles were also prohibited on that particular trail. I hoped I wasn’t going to get a ticket!
The Santa Clara County Park Rangers were on their way- it would take about 30 minutes for them to reach me. I told the call taker she didn’t need to stay on the line with me, surely there are more pressing concerns than me. Besides, if I did get eaten by a mountain lion, I really didn’t want this sweet person to hear that drama! So we laughed and disconnected. I sat down against the signpost, near the top of the hill with the full moon watching over me and waited to be rescued. Really embarrassed. That’s how I felt. Really stupid for getting myself into this mess. I should have known better; in fact, I do know better. Maybe I should have tried harder before asking for help. Don’t be a quitter. Negative self-talk is really not helpful. A series of bad decisions and unfortunate
consequences.
The ranger who came to my rescue could not have been more kind. He loaded my bike into the back of the truck and off we went. Down the trail where I told him I couldn’t find my way through. Turns out a very large tree had come down, completely obliterating the trail. We got turned back onto the fire road, and a half hour later I was safely at my car.
My bad decisions? I was not familiar with the trails. Starting out too late in the day. Not turning back when I realized it was getting late and I couldn’t find the trail I expected. Pushing on when I should have turned back. Not being prepared with additional layers of clothing.
Good decisions? My phone was charged. I knew where I was. I stayed calm and worked through my options. I called for help when I realized I could get seriously injured if I tried to push through.
I was surprised to learn that some of the other bicyclists who had seen me on the trail had become concerned for me, and they had already called 9-1-1 on my behalf. I would like to tell them thank you, their thoughtfulness really touched me.
What I learned- it’s really hard to ask for help. Not just for me, conditioned to be the help, to not ask for help. It’s hard for everyone! We all fight with our internal voice. Sometimes I call them my itty-bitty-shitty-committee, a term I learned from Jane Pike. I had to tell them to pipe down this time. As the winter falls upon us, longer colder nights, stress and pressure of holidays, constant consumerism, loneliness, and emptiness, it can seem overwhelmingly hard to ask for help. I also found genuinely kind, caring people there to provide help.
Finally, if you find yourself in a position where you might need some help don’t be afraid, or embarrassed, we are all in this together. And if you have an opportunity to lend a hand, maybe don’t judge- just be kind.
Enjoy the ride!