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As Anzar High School Drama Club students have discovered, if you are cast in a Shakespeare play, there is an excellent chance your character is going to die. It seems this is particularly true if your name is in the title: just ask Romeo, Juliet, Julius Caesar, Cleopatra, Hamlet or King Lear exactly how things worked out for them.
There are, in fact, 74 characters in Shakespeare’s 38 plays who die onstage—75 if you include the fly murdered in “Titus Andronicus,” smacked dead by Titus himself in a vengeful rage. It is just part of the mayhem in that bloodiest of the Bard’s plays, which includes hangings, dismemberments, stabbings and even two characters who end up being baked into pies.
Obviously, the best way to cope with the chaos is by laughing at it, as the club does in its madcap production of “How to Survive Being in a Shakespeare Play” by Don Zolidis, staged on the Anzar High School campus on May 28-30.
Rife with intentionally bad British accents, as the author specifies in the stage directions, the one-hour play has a broad humor that is absurdly appealing.
Anzar student Jaden Romero, who serves as one of the narrators, describes the play as a parody of common Shakespearean tropes with an eye toward poking fun at their potential for silliness.

“I love how the play is able to critique one of the most influential people in English literature in a way that’s super funny,” he said, “but also pays respect to the plays and the work that went into them.”
Romero was one of the students who traveled to London earlier this year for a literary journey through the city with AP English teacher Annie Hoggatt. While there, the group was able to take in a production at the Globe Theatre.
His account of seeing Shakespeare’s “Romeo and Juliet” led Anzar drama teacher Adrianne Smith to introduce a scene from the Zolidis work parodying his “Henry V” for the students to perform in class.

“I ordered the play,” she said, “and we did a read-through. It was so funny, and the kids were laughing the whole time. I immediately thought, ‘This is what we’re going to do.’”
The 19 players, some of whom are also on the production crew, perform 51 roles in nine acts. Each one centers on a particularly dangerous set of circumstances shared by multiple Shakespearean characters that can be resolved with sound advice from the narrators without an onstage death.
In “Listen to the Magic Ladies,” for example, Julius Caesar girds himself in bubble wrap on the advice of a soothsayer, repelling the daggers of his would-be assassins. In “Don’t Listen to the Dudes,” the scene that Smith had her students read earlier, one character decides to ignore Head Dude King Henry V’s order to charge into a deadly battle against the French. And, in “Make Other Animal Friends,” King Lear is pulled back from a precarious depression with the help of his Emotional Support Llama.
And for those in the know, we finally get to see one of the great curiosities about Shakespeare’s work resolved: the cryptic stage direction in “The Winter’s Tale”: “Exit, pursued by a bear.”

In “Avoid Snakes,” a takeoff on “Anthony and Cleopatra,” the queen avoids being bitten by a serpent who departs after her servants humiliate it with a series of mocking comments launched by her servants.
Playing the servant Charmian, Felix Io said he thinks the “immature comedy” is a big plus in attracting and pleasing the locals.

“I like that it’s not serious,” he said. “I don’t think a serious Shakespearean play would do well at Anzar in terms of getting an audience. Having something funnier is definitely going to help with getting people to come watch. I hope they get a laugh out of it.”
Io, who is the play’s stage manager and set designer, also painted the play’s backdrop, a fantasy landscape scene with rolling hills and a castle. He said that he finds this important backstage work as enjoyable as performing.
“I like that I get to express my creativity,” he said, “and have something artistic to put my time towards. In terms of drama as a whole, just being part of this little community is nice.”
Oliver Doupnik, who serves as the second narrator and plays Dave, the soldier who blew off Henry V’s command to attack the enemy, also participated in the London trip.
He said acting has been part of his life as long as he can remember, and he relishes the chance to make people laugh with this show.
“I’m personally a big fan of the things that inspired it,” he said, “The play is pretty funny, and also we have a lot of great casting, a lot of fun, silly people playing fun, silly roles. I think we have a strong drama club here, and Miss Smith is super invested in making it better.”
There will be three performances of “How to Survive Being in a Shakespeare Play” staged on the Anzar High School campus in Room 206 on May 28 (3:15 p.m.), May 29 (6 p.m.) and May 30 (4 p.m.). Tickets are available online and at the door on the day of the performance.
Cast
Bella Aguillon – Ophelia/King Richard III
Gabby Alejandrino – Witch/Nurse
Maximo Alvarado – Publius Servilius Casca/Soldier/Horse
Eduardo Anaya – Caius Cassius/Soldier/Count Paris
Xavier Contreras – Prince Hamlet/Asp/King Lear
Leilani Diaz – Marcus Brutus/Gertrude Hamlet/Lady Macbeth
Oliver Doupnik – Narrator/Dave the Soldier
Liliana Granados – Julius Caesar/Juliet Capulet/Fake Lady Macbeth
Jadyn Guillen – British Tabloid Reporter/Lawyer/William Catesby
Sage Castro Hernandez – Shakespearean Actor/Witch/British Tabloid Reporter/Antigonus
Felix Io – Police Officer/Charmian
Henry Murphy – Lucius Cornelius Cinna/King Henry V
Odalyss Rincon Ochoa – Servant/Nurse/The Clown
Mireya Reynoso – Soothsayer/King Hamlet’s Ghost/King Duncan’s Ghost/Cleopatra
Nayela Reynoso – Witch/Tybalt Capulet/Old Shepherd
Anaya Romero – Francesca the Emotional Support Llama
Jaden Romero – Narrator/Nick Bottom
Michael Rozin Jr. – Shakespearean Actor/Lord Macbeth/Romeo Montague/Iras
David Ruezga – Announcer/Bear
Crew
Adrianne Smith – Director
Jaden Romero – Assistant Director/Dramaturg
Felix Io – Stage Manager/Set Designer
Zoe McDougall – Assistant Stage Manager/Costume Designer
Anaya Romero – Prop Master
Oliver Doupnik – Lighting Designer
Johann Pacheco – Lightboard Operator
Maxon Smith Bishop – Sound Designer/Sound Operator
Emma Berrelleza – Artistic Crew
Nicole Ramirez Bejar – Artistic Crew
Ashley Schoeneman – Artistic Crew
Mireya Reynoso – Artistic Crew

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